brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
