nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Welp...herpes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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