Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
