Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
