Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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