Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
