Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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