And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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