What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
