That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
