he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
