thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
