Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
