I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
