How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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