Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
