Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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