glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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