I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
