marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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