You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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