If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
