I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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