Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My vagina just clenched in fear
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
