don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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