Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
