wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
