some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
