I can't watch pbs sober anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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