So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
