upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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