I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
