I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
