We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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