I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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