Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
