Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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