there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
