I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
