So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
