Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
