oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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