Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
