I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
