some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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