I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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