my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
