dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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