We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
