I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
