fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
