Moan for me like Helen Keller
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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