dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not a walk of shame if you run
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
