My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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