I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
