My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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