I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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