i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
