There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
