Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
