Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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