I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
