you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
