Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
