Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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